Teaching boys to respect girls is essential for raising the next generation of empathetic, supportive men. From the time they’re young, girls live with realities that boys might never have to consider. One in nine girls will be sexually assaulted before they turn 18, and many face the constant pressure to stay vigilant just to feel safe. As they grow into women, these challenges don’t disappear. Whether it’s being careful about what they wear, staying alert when walking alone or being interrupted in conversations, girls and women alike navigate a world full of hidden struggles.

As a mother of two boys and two girls, and as a survivor of abuse, I see these differences firsthand. It’s crucial to teach boys to respect girls from a young age, helping them understand the challenges their girl friends, sisters, and mothers face daily. In this two-part post, I’ll share 11 important lessons every parent should teach their son about the girls and women around them—and how boys can be part of making things better.

In this two-part post, I’ll share 11 important lessons every parent should teach their son about the girls and women around them—and how boys can be part of making things better.

1. How to teach boys to respect girls by understanding their fears

One of the first steps to teach boys to respect girls is to help them understand the real fears girls face daily. You might never have to think twice about walking down a dark street or parking far from a store, but for girls, this can be a moment of anxiety. One year, after celebrating the 4th of July with her friends, my daughter asked her then-boyfriend to walk with them to their cars. It was late, and they had parked far away. Instead of understanding their concerns, he brushed them off, made them feel like they were overreacting, and even joked about how they “just wanted an excuse to hold his hand.” The girls ended up walking alone in the dark, but it wasn’t just the walk that made them uncomfortable—it was the feeling of not being heard and having their fear trivialized.

For girls, these moments of fear aren’t rare—they happen often, even in familiar or seemingly “safe” spaces. Whether it’s walking alone at night, navigating a parking garage, or even just going for a run, girls and women constantly assess their surroundings for potential danger. Teaching boys to respect girls by validating their concerns about safety is essential in creating a more supportive environment for them.

Even if it’s “just a joke” or “no big deal” to you, trapping a girl in a room, teasing her about being scared, or dismissing her fears is not funny. The fear she feels is real, and it’s part of how she has learned to protect herself in a world that doesn’t always feel safe.

What to teach your son:

Teach your son to take a girl’s fear seriously. Whether she’s asking him to walk her to her car or simply expressing discomfort, he should listen and respond with respect. Let him know that supporting a girl in these moments helps her feel safe, even if the threat seems small or insignificant to him. It’s important to teach boys to respect girls by being someone who makes girls feel heard and secure.

2. Why teaching boys to respect girls starts with believing them

Another important way to teach boys to respect girls is by making sure they understand the importance of believing them when they speak up. For many girls and women, the fear of not being believed is just as real as the threat of harm itself. 82% of sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows, and yet society still asks girls if they’re “sure” about what happened or implies that they’re exaggerating. I’ve seen many young women, and even adult women, struggle with being questioned, doubted, or dismissed when they come forward about their experiences.

One way to teach boys to respect girls is by always believing them when they share their experiences of harm or discomfort. The truth is, false accusations of rape are incredibly rare—only 2-8% of reports are false, which is about the same rate as any other crime. But the pressure to doubt the victim always falls heavier on girls and women. It’s crucial to teach boys to respect girls by always standing up for them when their voices are dismissed or questioned.

I’ve written before about the early signs of emotional abuse in my post, ‘How It Ends With Us Helped Remind Me the Signs of Relationship Abuse.’ Recognizing these behaviors early, whether in relationships or day-to-day interactions, is essential for teaching boys the importance of respect and empathy.

What to teach your son:

Teach your son that when a girl shares her experiences of harm or harassment, he should listen and believe her. It’s not his role to question or downplay her feelings but to offer support and validation. Believing girls is one of the most powerful ways to teach boys to respect girls. Help him understand that girls need allies who trust their experiences and aren’t afraid to speak up on their behalf.

3. Teaching boys to respect girls by rejecting harmful labels like ‘slut’

For girls, being labeled a “slut” is meant to control and punish them for being interested in sex or for how they appear. None of the boys who exhibit similar behavior are called names or ridiculed in the same way. This form of bullying creates deep emotional scars and can affect how girls see themselves for years. It’s important to teach boys to respect girls by rejecting harmful labels and judgments.

The word “slut” is often used as a weapon to shame girls and make them feel lesser. This type of name-calling isn’t just harmless teasing—it’s a way to control how girls behave and view their self-worth. Teaching boys to respect girls by helping them recognize how damaging these labels can be is crucial. Double standards, where boys are praised for similar behaviors while girls are judged, are deeply unfair and harmful.

I’ve discussed similar harmful patterns in my post, ‘How It Ends With Us Helped Remind Me the Signs of Relationship Abuse,’ where labels and control are common tools in abusive relationships. Recognizing these behaviors early can prevent more harmful patterns down the road, which is why it’s so important to teach boys to respect girls from the beginning.

What to teach your son:

Teach your son to reject harmful labels and double standards. Help him understand that these words can deeply affect a girl’s self-esteem and that respect means treating girls as equals without judgment or labels. Encourage him to speak up when he hears others using these harmful labels, and remind him that teaching boys to respect girls means standing against bullying, not just avoiding it.

4. Teach boys to respect girls by recognizing harassment online and in person

Last summer, my daughter and her friends were at the beach enjoying the sun and swimming when a group of boys nearby started whistling at them. At first, they tried to laugh it off, but the comments from the boys kept coming. Things like “Hey, looking good!” and “Come hang out with us!” might seem harmless on the surface, but as the attention became more persistent, it made the girls feel uncomfortable and exposed. No matter where they moved on the beach, they felt like they were being watched and judged.

What was supposed to be a fun, carefree day at the beach quickly turned into an afternoon of avoiding eye contact and feeling like they couldn’t relax. They didn’t feel safe enough to confront the boys and didn’t want to make a scene. Instead, they cut their beach day short to escape the situation.

This isn’t uncommon. Girls often find themselves in public spaces where they feel objectified or uncomfortable because of ongoing comments or unwanted attention. It’s not “just flirting” or “harmless fun.” For many girls, these interactions remind them that they can’t fully relax or feel at ease in public spaces without the fear of being watched, judged, or harassed.

For girls, these situations aren’t rare—they are reminders that they’re being judged or objectified just for being in public. Teaching boys to respect girls involves helping them recognize that ongoing comments, whistling, or catcalling are forms of harassment. By recognizing and addressing harassment, we teach boys to respect girls and make public spaces safer for everyone.

What to teach your son:

Teach your son that comments, whistling, or catcalling are never harmless. Help him recognize how these behaviors make girls feel and that respect means treating girls with dignity, whether in public or online. It’s our responsibility to teach boys to respect girls by speaking up when they witness harassment and supporting girls in creating safer environments.

5. How dress codes can impact girls and why teaching boys to respect girls matters

One day, my daughter came home from school frustrated and upset. A teacher pulled her aside and told her that her tank top violated the school’s dress code. The top wasn’t revealing by any means, but it exposed her shoulders—something the school deemed “distracting” to the boys. Meanwhile, boys in her class wore sleeveless basketball jerseys and weren’t reprimanded. The double standard was painfully obvious to her.

Being told her shoulders were inappropriate made her feel self-conscious and embarrassed. She spent the rest of the day wrapped up in a sweater, even though it was hot, just to avoid drawing any more attention. It wasn’t just the rule itself that bothered her; it was the message it sent—that her body was something that needed to be hidden, something that could be blamed for distracting others.

This kind of messaging teaches girls to internalize shame about their bodies and puts the responsibility on them to control boys’ behavior. Instead of teaching boys to respect girls regardless of what they’re wearing, it shifts the burden onto girls to “dress modestly” so that boys aren’t distracted. This narrative teaches girls that their bodies are a problem to be managed, which can lead to long-lasting shame and discomfort in their own skin.

Addressing unfair dress codes is a key part of teaching boys to respect girls and understanding the impact of gendered rules.

What to teach your son:

Help your son understand that it’s not a girl’s responsibility to dress a certain way to avoid distracting others. Teaching boys to respect girls means treating everyone, regardless of how they’re dressed, with dignity and understanding. Encourage him to question double standards and to stand up for girls when dress codes are unfairly enforced.

6. Girls will be paid less than you—even if they outperform you in school

Girls often outperform boys in school, earning higher grades and taking on leadership roles, but once they graduate, they face a wage gap that’s hard to overcome. Women earn only 82 cents for every dollar men earn, and for women of color, that number is even lower. This isn’t just about personal choices—it’s about a system that inherently values men’s work more than women’s, even when women are just as qualified or even more capable.

My daughter experienced this firsthand while teaching surf lessons over several summers. In her second summer, all the boys hired at the same time not only received a much bigger pay raise than the girls but they were also promoted to higher positions—promotions none of the girls received despite having the same qualifications and experience. It was frustrating and disheartening for her and the other girls to realize that their hard work was being undervalued simply because of their gender.

This kind of experience is common for women, and it’s not just about money—it’s about the value placed on their contributions. Even in your son’s first job after school, he’s likely to earn more than his female peers simply because he’s a boy. The wage gap follows women into every stage of their careers, making it harder for them to achieve financial equality and be recognized for their skills.

By teaching boys to respect girls, we can challenge the wage gap and ensure that their female peers are treated fairly in the workplace.

What to teach your son:

Teach your son to be aware of the wage gap and call it out when he sees it. Encourage him to advocate for equal pay for himself and his female peers. Help him understand that fairness means supporting equality in the workplace and recognizing that women deserve the same opportunities and compensation as men. By standing up for equality, your son can help create a world where girls and women are valued just as much as men for the work they do.

A First Step in Understanding

The challenges I’ve shared are just some of the invisible struggles girls and women face every day. From walking with fear to being dismissed or labeled unfairly, these experiences shape how they navigate the world. As parents, your guidance can make all the difference in creating a safer, more respectful environment for the girls and women in your son’s life.

But there’s still more to learn. In Part 2, we’ll explore the emotional and social pressures girls and women encounter—how their voices are often silenced, their pain minimized, and the complex dynamics they face in relationships. By understanding these deeper issues, you can continue to help your son become a strong, compassionate ally to the girls and women around him.

Stay tuned for Part 2, where we’ll dive further into the ways boys can truly value, respect, and stand up for the girls and women in their lives.